11. Imposter!

And we back (and we back) (and we back)

I sorta took a two-and-a-half month hiatus from writing blog posts because

1. I was busy

2. I am bad at using my time wisely

3. I was busy and am bad at using my time wisely

But blog-tets is BACK and I have a few posts backdated in the likely event that I get busy and bad at using my time wisely.

Anyways

There’s this thing called imposter syndrome. It’s basically this thing where people doubt their accomplishments and sort of live with this everlasting fear of eventually being exposed as a fraud.

The feeling of being an imposter has been hitting me extremely hard lately. I’ve talked about this before in earlier posts, but I’ve been in several leadership positions lately. And although I do think I am a generally adequate leader, I literally never know what I’m doing.

In addition to being in a perpetual state of cluelessness, I am also constantly afraid that I am just not the right person to be doing what I’m doing—that I don’t have the knowledge, the mental fortitude, or the talent to be relied on consistently.

Sometimes I worry that I’m just not that guy.

And when there is already a lot of external stress and doubt to deal with, this additional, internal stress can sometimes be a *little* too much.

Like, it’s impossible to ignore the fact that there are more skilled, more accomplished people out there that could definitely be doing a better job at what I’m doing.

This feels like pure word vomit at this point but I’m gonna keep going.

In researching more about Imposter Syndrome for this blog post, I also came across this term called pluralistic ignorance.

Pluralistic ignorance is basically the phenomenon where people doubt themselves, and feel like they’re alone in doubting themselves because people don’t like to seriously share and talk about how and why they doubt themselves.

I feel like one thing that has started to combat pluralistic ignorance is social media.

I think it’s really easy for people to talk about the negatives of social media. And there are definitely definitely a lot of negatives to it. Definitely. A lot.

But I do think that through the fourth wall that the interwebs provide, people are increasingly more transparent with their shortcomings and failures.

Through social media, I’ve been seeing more and more people, some of which I barely even know, open up about hardships, rough patches, and mental illnesses that they’ve had to deal with and persevere through.

And while it really, really sucks to see people struggle

Sometimes it really, really helps to know that you’re not alone.

So let’s keep talking about the good parts of our lives

But let’s not hide the bad parts so much

And most importantly, let’s not just limit these conversations to social media.

So, in conclusion,

I am looking forward to have an in-person, life changing, non-self-deprecating conversation about personal failure with you.